Well, finally … Some blonde men quotes….

Written by Verne R. Sanford. Posted in Senior Living

Published on July 05, 2017 with No Comments

• A blonde guy is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but this kind won’t work … it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

• A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.” The blonde man says, “Wait … I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”

• A blond guy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”. He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. (I had to think about this one for a minute…)

• A blond man shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor. “No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”

• A blonde man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says, “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?” He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks. “Here boy!” he replies.

• A blond guy is in jail. A guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. “Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.  “Hanging myself,” the blond replies. “It should be around your neck” says the guard. “I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”

• An Italian tourist asks a blonde fella, “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” To which the blonde man replies: “Duh…If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”

• A friend told a blond gentleman, “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” The blond man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

• Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked, “What if one explodes before we get there?” The other says, “We’ll lie and say we only found two.” 

Valparaiso Low Vision Support Group

Upcoming Meetings


Tuesday, July 11

From 6 to 7:30 p.m., First United Methodist Church, 103 N. Franklin, Valparaiso

Speaker: Tony and Connie Blair: Owner, operator of Blind Social Center in Gary

Topic: Low Vision Education and Resources

Tuesday, July 25

From 10 to11 a.m., Celebration Room, (First Floor) Pines Village Retirement Communities, 3303 Pines Village Circle, Valparaiso. (Building behind Aperion Health Systems; formerly Whispering Pines Health Care Center, 3301 N. Calumet)

Moderator:Verne R. Sanford, Topic: How to live with low vision.

We welcome all persons at our meetings, whether or not they have low vision.  Within Porter County and during daylight hours, call the Porter County Aging & Community Services bus at 219-462-4302 for a free door-to-door ride for the legally blind, or 50¢ each way for seniors, $1 each way for others.  Phone a week or two ahead.

For more information call Verne R. Sanford at 219-464-1867 or email Verne.sanford@valpo.edu.


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About Verne R. Sanford


All opinions, conclusions or recommendations expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Chronicle. Verne R. Sanford, 75, is professor emeritus of mathematics at Valparaiso University. He retired in 1993 and is currently writing his 24th memoir story. He is president of Valparaiso Low Vision Support Group Inc. He and his wife of 52 years, Marie, have five children and 14 grandchildren. Contact him at 219-464-1867, visit www.valpolowvisionsupport.org or e-mail verne.sanford@valpo.edu.

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