Finding harmony in marriage and life

Written by Dan Moran. Posted in Featured

Published on October 03, 2018 with No Comments

I have been married to my lovely lady since 1985. In all of those 33 plus years, we have had only two fights; one in 1985 and the second began in 1986, and I will let you know when it is over.  Of course, I am just kidding.  What I can say is that we made an agreement when we first got married that we would never go to bed mad.

When it came to lights out for the night, as long as at least our toes were touching, we could go to sleep.  If no touch, no sleep until whatever was troubling either of us was resolved.  I recall one tiff.  Somehow we got talking about movie stars and whom would we want to date if the opportunity came along (get real, right?).  There was a movie star that was quite famous at the time, Bo Derek, who was in a movie called “10,” so I replied, “Bo Derek.”  Life went on, as usual, and all was normal…dates, dinners, movies, vacations etc.  Anyway, one day, I asked my wife if she would make me a sandwich.  Apparently she had other things on her mind at that moment, because she exclaimed “Why don’t you haveBo Derek make you a sandwich!”

Again, this is a just a story.  I really preferred Raquel Welch.  No, seriously, Maude…well, you get the point.  The issue was not any given movie star but rather, “Pay attention to me.  I am upset, or hurting, or being taken for granted.”  But there really is a truth in here somewhere.  To me, it is love and respect and never saying something in the heat of battle that cannot be taken back or forgotten.  Too many people are dirty fighters.  We all know the buttons to push when it comes to those we love, and vice versa.

Loving for life is almost a forgotten science in our current society.  It is time to celebrate when someone makes it to 30 years, and 40 and 50 years.  It is too easy to quit relationships, because there is no stigma to being divorced in these times.  I remember, right or wrong, when I was a kid that I was forbidden to play with Jimmy because his parents got divorced.  Now, I know that is nonsense when put in the perspective of today’s standards. People, being human, do not always get along…at work, at play, in families or under any heading that you wish to categorize people.  But, in the old days, people tended to work things out.

In these times where so many morals that were of a higher standard are dismissed as being old fashioned, it seems that the bigger question is “Why even get married?”  Nobody thinks twice about people living together in an unmarried state in these times.  To me, the piece of paper does make a difference because there is a sense of commitment when a couple says “I do.”  I dated my wife for only two and a half months before we got married, and that was in August of 1985.  To this day, we always make time for dates.  Even during the growing up years of our two wonderful daughters, we found time for spending time alone.

I believe that a bond can be made between two people who see the value in commitment.  Once the empty nest hits a home, many parents find that they spent the previous 20-25 years so wrapped up in their kids that they forgot to love and respect each other. To this day, my heart still skips a beat when I come home from work, turn the last corner onto my cul-de-sac and see my wife’s car in the driveway.  To me it is an unspoken message coming from the Moran house that all is good in the world.

Do we agree on everything?  Hardly! But I do still get to make the big decisions in life, with my wife’s permission, of course.  Once again, kidding.  But I always believed that we were equal partners, regardless of whose paycheck was bigger.  My earnings and those of my wife always were put in one bank account and shared as a family. I do remember having a conversation once with my wife that, yes, I got paid more on some of the jobs I have held over the years, but that does not mean that she was not working just as hard on her jobs.  I know that money is an issue that causes strains on a lot of marriages, either too much or too little…or my money and your money issues.

Probably the best advice that I can offer is to have a marriage built on absolute trust, care, and concern for the needs and wishes of your partner, and live without jealousy.  In fact, I believe that if I have to constantly be watching what my wife does, whom she does it with, how much she spends etc., then I am not being a truly loving individual.

None of this sappy story can ever be a reality in a life without a sound foundation.  I find the rock, upon which this marriage has not only survived for 33 years but has prospered, is a true belief in God.  There it is – the word that so many are afraid to utter aloud in modern times – God.  Well, for me and my wife, it is a true belief in Jesus and heaven and angels and infinite glory when our time on this planet is through that makes being on this planet worthwhile.

This article is a public declaration that love is alive, and can be for anyone reading these words.  I sleep like a baby (wet the bed – once again, a joke) knowing that I did my best each day to be kind to my wife, to my kids, to those I serve at work and to strangers that enter into my life.  Please understand that I fail constantly…I am too judgmental at times, I cuss more than I should, I make promises that I intend to keep but do not always deliver on as promised.  But, at least to my knowledge, I never intentionally set out to hurt people; friend or foe.  As for those who could be categorized as perspective enemies, I prefer to forgive and let God be their judge.

So, these are ramblings of a man who is getting pretty close to what I used to think as old age – 70 years old.  But in my heart, and soul and mind, I feel 40.  I work hard.  I am not only needed but wanted, by my family and by my work.  I gave up on the thought of being rich financially many years ago.  I chose, truly chose, to live a life that afforded me the time to grow up with my kids and to grow in my faith.  Of all the things that we can be uncertain of in this crazy world in 2018, I am absolutely certain of being together for eternity with my family.  A lightbulb went on in my life many, many years ago when I realized that I only had to accept Christ as my savior and my place in heaven was guaranteed.

Armed with such an absolute belief, all obstacles fall by the wayside.  Simply put, the old phrase of “this, too, shall pass” has been one truism that gets me by.  Whether life is going great guns for me or disaster is a breath away, I believe that heaven is but a blink of God’s eyes away.  I have the advantage of being able to look back over many years and have found that most of the things that I worried about never happened.  With God as my eternal partner and with my wife as my earthly angel, all challenges can be faced.

So, Bo Derek be damned…I am happy to be alive. I am happy that I got to have Teri as my wife.  I am blessed to have Megan and Collen as daughters that God let me be their father. They have all taught me that there are greater things in life than big houses, fancy cars, expensive toys, etc. They have shown me that the only thing that really matters is love, which is the greatest commandment from the bible: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 13:35

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