How to have the Hardest Conversation

Written by ryan. Posted in Uncategorized


Published on October 06, 2010 with No Comments

Ali Davidson has a reality check that is about as difficult to read as it is to talk about.  “If you’re an adult, and your parents are still alive and in decent health, it’s likely that you’ll have to take charge of their care at some point before they pass away,” Davidson, a life coach, former owner of a home care agency, and authored the book “It’s Between You and Me” said.

“Invariably, most adult children do what they can to avoid the conversation with their parents about how they will handle that moment when it is apparent they are no longer able to care for themselves. Yes, it seems like it can be awkward and embarrassing, but it’s also necessary if you intend to lovingly and intelligently care for them as they get older.”
Care giving is a reality for many adult children today. More than 50 years ago, care giving was not as necessary, as the average life expectancy was barely over age 62. Today, the prevailing state of medical technology and care has advanced that life expectancy to 78, meaning that the likelihood of needing extra care in those later years is far more likely than even 20 years ago.

Davidson’s message to children is simple – it is far better to power through the initial awkwardness of that conversation in order to achieve a greater piece of mind, both for them and their parents.
“Despite our denial, tomorrow always comes,” she added. “But what your tomorrow will look like and feel like will depend on how ready you are to embrace it. Caring for elderly parents can be very difficult for the adult child, especially when a crisis is what typically creates the need for a conversation about senior care.”

The key parts of the equation for a successful discussion of eldercare with parents resides in each party recognizing the other’s primary needs.
Davidson said that parents need to know they can maintain control over what happens to them even when they need extra care.

“Children can use this conversation as a way of giving their parents the opportunity to design their lives through the aging years, when they are healthy, and not clouded by the heightened emotions of a critical medical crisis that necessitates immediate action,” Davidson said.
Davidson also believes that children can also express their need for peace of mind for when that time comes.

“The main benefit of having the conversation now, rather than later, is that children and parents can work out a plan cooperatively that addresses everyone’s needs,” she said. “So that if a trigger event happens, families can act fast to protect the ones they love in the manner that their loved ones have chosen.”

As a former owner of an in-home care agency, Ali Davidson worked with seniors and their families for 9 years. She is a certified Neuro-Linguistic-Programming Master Practitioner and has counseled individuals, couples and families through her private practice, focusing on communication, relationship and healing old wounds.

Share This Article

About ryan

Browse Archived Articles by

No Comments

Comments for How to have the Hardest Conversation are now closed.